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I'm pretty confident that if I was going to be fired, he would have done it on the spot, and he's just playing the old 'make him suffer overnight like a little bitch' game...

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Damn I'm good.

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Originally posted by zarevz:
I dare you to read this famous speech. Then come back and tell me my post was long Timbo. Worst that could happen is that you get some reading skills. Scary.

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Hang on, yes I have: Have you ever interrupted a parking ranger who's putting a ticket on your car? And when you say 'Oh I was only away for a quick second because I had to wheel my sick grand mother into the doctor's surgery because she can't walk! And then the parking ranger says, in a really annoying voice, "Can't you read the sign... it clearly states that you can only park here from 7am to 8am on Mondays, Wednesdays , Fridays and Saturdays, and then from 10.30am to 12.43pm on every second Sunday and public holidays." I reckon you'd be a dead set ringer for that guy.

Police Officer - "Shame guy was drinking, but luckily I ignored the law and let him go on."

Parents - "Thankfully we only have to pay 10% extra for the funeral to cover our child's death, whom was hit while crossing the road. But it was worth it for the convenience of the drunken driver being able to go home."

No really, I bet you do stupid crap, just so that everybody else bar you has to pay the price. Let me guess, you don't even know what manners are right? Tool.

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Originally posted by goaty:
meh, it's just a job.

I'll be sure to back the kingswood up over the garden areas at the next 10 hardware shops I visit, I'm sure they all need a lesson learnt. Ah heck, I'll just go and do donuts at the local 7-11.

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Do I know you???

Me and 5 mates were at 7 - 11, 3 in the morning, some bastard drove up and started doing doughies like 2 meters away from us.

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You're very, very lucky.

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No, if I was lucky, I wouldn't work for a dipshit like you.

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If it had of just been up to me, I would have speared you on the spot.

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And I would have tormented you endlessly for the next few years, starting by razing your stupid garden to the ground.

The funniest thing he said by far though:

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It was a stupid thing to do. It's like shitting in your own bed.

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This man has problems. He then gives me a choice; work in the garden for four hours to repay my debt, or repay it in cash. I was all set to just pay him off so he wouldn't get the satisfaction of seeing me toil in a garden, so I asked him how much he wanted, expecting $50 tops. $150. I couldn't ****ing believe it. How this man had justified such an absurd pricetag to himself is beyond me. I was about to say "If I'm going to pay $150, I'll get my moneys worth thanks" before heading outside for some leisurely donuts, but thought better of it.

Anyway, here's the report he wrote out. Note that my name isn't actually 'Homer Simpson', I'm just keeping with the theme (Mr Snrub). Note also that this is exactly how it was written, aside from the times when he's spelt a few four letter words incorrectly and scribbled them out.

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This warning to Homer Simpson is for acting irresponsible on company property, which was done after hours (Driving over garden beds). This attitude will not be tolerated and any further acts in this manner will lead to termination of employment.

Homer also needs to be more customer focused when on shop floor, Homer has been known to hide away from customer this also will need to change as we need to focused on customer service.

Smiliar acts will also lead to termination.

To repay this damage done to garden beds Homer will need to work 4hr in garden to repair damage.

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SMILIAR ACTS ARE BETTAR!!!11!1 I can't believe a store manager could have such poor literacy skills. I asked him why this alleged 'hiding' was never brought to my attention earlier (seems a little suspect that it coincided with the garden), and he mumbled like a stooge then repeated the "you're very lucky" spiel. He must have realised how much of a ******** he'd look if he wrote "Drove over two metres of garden" on it, which was what actually happened. When asked to explain what he meant exactly by this 'hiding', he claimed I'm never in the department I'm supposed to be in. I pointed out that I'm often running up to six departments singlehandedly, when there's supposed to be two people in each. He scoffed until I rattled off a list of the said departments, then said some rubbish about if I work harder, we'll get more profits and we'll be able to afford to put on more staff. ****ing idiot.

I checked, and someone had unfortunately hung up the offending phone. I can so see this garden 'repair' work turning into a complete relandscaping of the entire carpark... In which case a call or three to Hong Kong may result.

To make matters worse, I nearly had one of my fingers severed by a customer while I was in there today (got away with a deep slice). I had all of my fingers between two large sheets of 5mm steel mesh, lifting them for a customer (not in my department, I must have been hiding ) when he decided it'd be a bright idea to pull one of them about 30cm to the side. Yes, just the one, so my fingers were minced inbetween. I actually saw one of my fingers twist and split open, and blood and guts come pissing out. Lucky a friend of mine was working upstairs and has 733+ wound dressing $|<!LLz.

Two weeks ago I had a meltdown at work after my boss gave me some serious hell for some shit that was not my fault to begin with, and seeing as I already have a self-admitted problem with authority, I went nuts back and abused my boss from here to the stone age and said that "I'm sick of this ****ing place...in fact, I'm going home!"

What did he say back?

"Good!"

What did I say back to that?

"**** OFF" and hung the phone up.

Five minutes later I'm in his office and the guy is asking me to stay, and apologising and admitting I was in the right and he was in the wrong. bahahahahaha.

But yeah, now I'm convinced Mr Snub is a wanker, 'nuff said.

I just happen to be fortunate enough to have an incredible amount of authority.

My advice to you is this - don't take it up the arse from anybody. Hard work and honesty will get you noticed and get you places. A lot of people suck cock to climb the ladder, but in the end they too get the proverbial bend over the counter and rodgered with a porcupine.

The guys who just shut up and do their job honestly and with as little fuss or mess in the garden ( ) as possible will rise to the top and earn respect.

In my opinion.

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"If I'm going to pay $150, I'll get my moneys worth thanks" before heading outside for some leisurely donuts, but thought better of it.

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BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!

Hilarious

And zarevz, one of the nice things about getting older is you get more experience and learn to judge situations better. Don't jump to conclusions too quickly eh?

I was in the prime of my life. I was just getting the hang of this photosynthesis malarky, and I was moving up in the world. A few plants around me had died off due to the excessive pollution from the nearby road, and their valuable nutrients were soon absorbed through a complex system of roots.

I was handsomely symmetrical, and all going well I'd be a shrub within the next five years. I might even be considered worthy of a pruning. Do you know how demeaning it is to be a mere shrubbery?

On the night in question, I noticed a car in the parking lot which had been locked in for the night. The poor guy would have to wait until tomorrow to retrieve it. Due to the sun being on the other side of the Earth, I closed my photosensitive cells and tried to get some sleep.

I was rudely awakened a short while later by the menacing roar of a car engine. The car was heading in my direction, although being near the gate, that was nothing out of the ordinary. When the car got closer, it veered in my direction.

Lacking the necessary appendages to escape, I watched helplessly as the car turned me into an assymetrical hideous shell of my former self. I don't know if I'll ever recover. A tree doctor attempted to stop the bleeding and tied me to a wooden stake, but the excess on my policy was still $150.

Seeing as the average lifetime earnings of a shrubbery is $0 (indexed for inflation), it has placed an unneccesary burden on me and my family of seeds. Perhaps the guy who destroyed my life will apologise one day. or perhaps he'll do the humane thing and put me out of my misery by donutting me to death.